We, as women, are emotional beings. We tend to listen to our hearts and how a person makes us feel, which usually result in us being heart broken. We ignore all the red flags that the Lord shows us in the very beginning of our relationships, but because we are lonely, or somehow believe that we can change them or they will change over time, we settle. This is what I have done, which resulted in me marrying someone that I thought loved me, and it ended in a terrible way...
In May of 2005, I had the opportunity to go to Vallejo, California to spend the summer with my favorite aunt. It was beautiful there. She helped me get a good job and I was well on my way to having a great summer before I had to go back to school. As a new babe in Christ, I began to read my bible and listen to gospel music. I had gotten rid of a lot of my secular music, but I still couldn't get rid of my RnB! So, I held onto it. One night, I was listening to Usher wishing I had someone to love me, someone to hold me and tell me that I am pretty. I made a decision that the next day, I will try something new to find a man. I signed up for Yahoo Personals, an online dating site. I completed all of my information and uploaded a picture of myself. Not even 5 minutes of me signing up, I received an email from them of my top 5 matches. The first guy had 5 hearts (which meant I was highly compatible with him). I read his bio. It stated that he was from Maryland but lives in VA, in the Navy and is a Christian! He was attractive! His name was Jonathan*. Immediately, I sent him a message. Within an hour, he messages me back with his phone number. I called him around 8:00pm. He told me that I was pretty and he would like to get to know me better. He told me that he was a devote Christian and wanted to live right for the Lord. That attracted me because, being new in Christ, I wanted someone that could help me develop my relationship with Him. I was falling for him. We didn't get off the phone until 4:00am. He sounded so good! He sounded so right for me! I had to meet him!
In July of that same year, he told me that he will be deployed for a couple of months and would like to see me. I was due to come back home in August but I couldn't let him leave without meeting him. I paid to get my flight changed so that I can go home early. I told my aunt and she asked if I was sure about this. With all the confidence in the world, I told her I believe this is the one for me. I came home at the end of July. He was waiting for me at the airport. My knees were buckling and I was nervous. Would he like what he sees in me? Or, will he decide to leave me alone? As I walked outside, he called my name. I walked over and he had a smile on his face. He says, "Welcome back! You look nice." I looked back at him, but he quickly held his head down. (First red flag, but I ignored it.) We drove to my mother's house so that he could meet her. As my mother tried to interact with him, I quickly saw that he really wasn't trying to interact with her. I remember my mother pulling me to the side and telling me that she think something is wrong with him, and that I need to watch my back. Knowing that my mom has a strong gift of discernment, I let it go in one ear and out the other because I was so use to her disapproving all the guys I ever dated. I just knew she was wrong about him. In late August, he was deployed. I remember him sending me love poems and writing letters to me via email. We talked almost daily and my love was growing more and more for him. In September, I was offered to intern at Disney World and I was excited. My mom thought that it would be a great opportunity for me to see and experience more, but when I told Jonathan* about it, he told me that I can go, but was afraid that I would see other men and I would no longer be interested in him. He also told me that there could be a chance that I may fall away from the faith. I made it clear that he wouldn't lose me and I will continue to grow in the Lord, but he didn't believe me. He said he didn't know how to do a long distance relationship and was afraid that it wouldn't work out. So, me, wanting to please him and not lose him, I decided to not take the internship. Boy, was my parents mad! They couldn't believe that I took him over a once in a lifetime opportunity. But in my mind, I thought I was right....I thought I was in love. In November, I decided to sign up at ECPI College of Technology to pursue a degree in Information Technology/Web Design. Jonathan was proud of me and told me he would help me 100%. We did bible study together, fasted and even prayed together. There has also been nights where we sat in the car and he almost couldn't keep his hands off me, but always promised that he wanted to remain celibate until he's married. I never heard a man tell me that in my life! My mind was blown away....
In July of 2006, Jonathan* and I took a trip to Kings Dominion. I remember us arguing on the way because of some guy that keep calling me even though I told him to stop calling me. Jonathan was mad and thought that I could be cheating on him (another red flag, but once again, I ignored it). We got to Kings Dominion, and I was very mad. I didn't even want to go because I didn't want to be around him. He asked me to go to the trunk and get a white bag. I looked at him like he was crazy and grabbed it. I got back in the car and threw it at him, not caring what could be inside. He looked at me calmly and said, Lavena, it's for you. I looked inside the bag and I see a black case. I opened it and it was an engagement ring. He said to me, "No matter how many times we argue, I will always love you and I am here for you. I don't believe in getting down on one knee, because that's worldly, but will you marry me?" I couldn't help but laugh at him, but I ended up saying yes. My dreams have come true. Finally, someone that I could call my own. No more searching. No more loneliness. Hey, he has some issues, but I can help him through it. I can change him. When I asked him when do you want to have a wedding, he said no because it cost too much money for one day and we can just go to the justice of peace. I understood his logic, but every girl wants a dream wedding or possibly even a reception! I quickly swallowed how I felt and said ok. My parents weren't ok with it, but I didn't care because as long as I had Jonathan*, I knew that I would be alright and they will soon accept him. I was happy and I was ready to begin life with him...
Tune in tomorrow for part 2 of my story....*Name has been withheld.
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