This is part 3. To read part 2, click here. To read part 1, click here.
March 24, 2005. I was at practice with the VA State Gospel Chorale. I tried to have fun like everyone else, but I couldn't stop thinking about what I done a few days ago. I felt guilty singing about a God that I truly didn't love or honored. I couldn't fake it. I was ready to quit. But then, I met this girl that seemed to have such a glow about her. Her name was **Jessica. I asked her to help me with my note on the song. She was willing and made sure that I remembered it by repeating herself. She was a lot of fun. She began to ask me about myself and was I saved. I knew I had to be honest.
I told her I wasn't saved and I didn't think that God would save me anyway. She asked me why would I say that? I told her that I recently got an abortion. I killed one of God's children. I began to cry and tell her that I knew God wouldn't forgive me. She wiped my tears and said, "What makes you think God wouldn't forgive you? Once you give your life to him, old things are past away, and behold all things become new. So everything you done in your past he is faithful and just to forgive you. He will throw it in the sea of forgetfulness and will remember it no more." I was in shock! When I heard those words, I couldn't believe what she was saying to me. I asked her are you sure? She said yes! Just welcome Him into your heart. He loves you. And when she said that, I instantly felt loved and peace overcame me. How could a holy God love a girl like me? I killed one of his own! But, according to **Jessica, He loves me so much and he will forgive me. At that time, I knew that I wanted to give my life to the Lord. I knew it was time. And, what perfect time could it be to give my life a day before my birthday?!
March 27, 2005, I was baptised in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. As they dipped me in the water, I literally heard a voice that said, "I love you...and I'm proud of you." It almost scared me half to death! I told them what happened and they told me the Lord has spoken. He is well pleased with you! I felt free. I felt new! I was forgiven and nothing or anyone could tell me any different. **Jessica and I became the best of friends. She brought me to bible study and always kept it real with me. She always told the truth about the Word and how I should live as a Christian. She introduced to me other like-minded believers. Slowly but surely, my world was changing for the better. I wanted more of Him. I was hungry and thirsty for Him. I needed to be in His presence.
Around March of 2011, I remembered the day I got the abortion. I started to feel guilty all over again and I remember asking myself, "Did the Lord really forgive me for this?" Once again, I doubted His Word. But I couldn't help but to think about it. I prayed that night before bed and asked the Lord to show me some way that He has done so. I went to sleep and I dreamt... I dreamt that I was in a beautiful park with flowers of all kinds and trees with fruit hanging from the leaves. There was a man beside me and holding my hand. I didn't know who he was. He looked at me and smiled. I looked down at myself and I was pregnant. Immediately, I was scared. I stopped. The man asked me was I ok? I was at a lost for words. Then, I felt a light tap on my leg. I looked down and it was a beautiful little girl with a white and pink dress on. She had pigtails, ribbons and barrets in her hair. She looked like me! She looked at me and asked, "Are you ok mommy?" MOMMY?! I saw a bench and I sat down in disbelief of what this little girl asked me. She sat beside me and said, "Everything is ok mommy. Everything is ok". I looked at her and she had the prettiest smile on her face. She got up and began to sing a song around me. She danced and smiled and laughed. It was the most beautiful melody I have ever heard. Then I woke up. I got down on my knees in tears and asked the Lord who was that? I remembered hearing a still voice saying, "That was your daughter. She's with me now, and I have forgiven you. Let it go." That was my breakthrough!! I sat there in awe of feeling the Lord's presence all around me. From that day on, I knew that everything is ok. My daughter is with the Lord and I can finally let go.
About a week later, my mother and I were in the house talking. She said, "Lavena can I ask you something?" "Are you still mad at me?" Suprised, I said, "Mad at you for what?" And after this many years, she brought up the abortion. She said, "Lavena, I thought you were still mad at me for making you get the abortion. Baby, I'm sorry. I thought the decision that was made was best for you and I wasn't thinking.I didn't mean to call you out your name, and I apologize." I looked at her and told her the dream I had about my daughter. She was in shock. I told her, "God told me to let it go and I am forgiven. Mom, you are forgiven as well." We hugged and cried on each other's shoulder. From that day forward, my mom and I became the best of friends.
Often times, we face situations that we think because we made a bad decision that God won't forgive them. Well, I am here to tell you, HE WILL! So, stop walking in condemnation!! The bible says in 1 John 1:9 states, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Romans 8:1 tells us, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Remember, the enemy comes to condemn. So, believe in His Word! It will not return void. God is NOT a man that He shall lie. Do you believe that He can save you? Do you believe that he can and will forgive you? Then, let go of whatever that you are holding on to. Give it to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Let Him comfort you and I guarantee He will love you the same...
No comments:
Post a Comment