The Ultimate Test

Jesus said in Matthew 6:14 (NIV) that "If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."  How many times have we, as Christians, say that we forgive someone for doing us wrong?  What if we were put to the ultimate test to prove that we have forgiven them?  I was put in a difficult situation where I had to choose to obey God or be disobedient...I obeyed God:

In July of 2012, I was invited to travel with a group of friends to a marriage conference held in Atlanta, Georgia.  I thought that it would be good for me to go so that I can learn more from those who have been married longer than I have, and to also have a good time.  I was told that I needed to register on Facebook to be included in the total count.  I went to the conference event page and it had a list of all who were attending.  As I looked through it, my mouth dropped wide open when I saw who was coming.  MY EX-HUSBAND! I clicked on his name and it said that he now lives in Atlanta, Georgia.  I couldn't believe it!  I immediately changed my mind and decided not to go because I didn't want to see his face.  I told my friends and they strongly suggested that I still should attend.  They believed that it could possibly bring some closure.  I battled with that for a while, but when it came close to the conference date, I decided to go ahead and attend.

As I was riding in the back seat of my friends car, I couldn't help how nervous I was seeing my ex again.  I knew that I had forgiven him, especially when he called me out the blue and apologized for everything, but seeing him again?  I didn't think I was ready for that.  I guess my forgiveness for him was about to be tested. As we arrived in Atlanta, my heart started to beat even faster.  My hands were clammy and all kinds of thoughts were in my head.  What if he brings another girl? What if he  ignores me? I had to hurry up and cast down those thoughts because we had arrived at the church the conference was being held at.  I stepped inside the church and I looked around to see if I see him. So far, no sign of Johnathan*.  I was relieved, but still was on edge thinking that maybe he will show up.  Later, as I was trying to listen to the speakers, every time I heard a door open and close, I would turn around to see if was coming. No sign of him.  I was so distracted by this, that I could hardly pay attention to what was being said.  I knew that I needed to let him go.  Even if he does show up, I needed to be totally free to the point that I could tolerate being in the same room with him. I WANTED FREEDOM. As day one of the conference was getting ready to end, they called up ministers to the alter to pray for anyone that needed deliverance or healing.  I made my way to the front and I had this couple, whom I just met a month ago, pray for me.  I told them what the situation was and as they prayed for me, the lady said to me, "God is preparing you for your husband, but you must allow the Lord to heal you.  He has you alone right now so that he may deal with you."  Then, her husband said, "God is covering you with a veil, only to be released when the timing is right."  Last thing I know, I was on my knees asking the Lord for healing and deliverance.  I went to sleep that night in peace knowing that the Lord has me in the palm of his hand.

The next day, as I was at the church for day two of the conference, I was thankful that I finally had the opportunity to really listen and to engage.I was at peace, whether he showed up or not.  Later on in the day, I heard the Lord say to me, "Call him and ask for forgiveness." What?! I thought that maybe I wasn't hearing from the Lord, so I ignored it.  Then, 15 minutes later, I heard it again.  I finally gave in and said, "Ok, if that's you speaking to me Lord, give me the strength and courage to do so."  I stepped outside of the church and proceeded to call Johnathan*.  Surprisingly, he answered.  I took a deep breath and begin to apologize to him for all that I have done in the marriage. I began to share how the Lord dealt with my issues and showed me who I was. I then asked for his forgiveness.  There was dead silence on the phone.  He said, "Wow, Lavena, you are a strong woman to do this. And yes, I forgive you." Then, I heard the Lord say, "Pray for him." So, I did. Next thing I know, I heard Johnathan's voice change, as if he was crying.  He thanked me and told me that I would make a great wife to a good man.  It truly blessed my heart to hear him say that to me. I was glad that I obeyed God instead of obeying my feelings. It truly brought closure between us and I felt like I can move on and walk out my deliverance.  I knew that I was maturing in the Lord quicker than I thought...