The year 2013 has finally come! I have worked hard to stay focused on the Lord and I also had the opportunity to learn myself. I began to implement things that I haven't done in a while because I was busy trying to please other people. Once a month, I took myself out to a nice restaurant and ate a delicious meal all by myself....and IT FELT WONDERFUL! At first, I wasn't able to do this, but I'm so glad I gained enough confidence to do it and not feel bad about it. I took myself to the movies on numerous occasions and traveled to places that I never been. I was growing as an individual and enjoying being single.
One night, I prayed to the Lord that I was beginning to love being single and I would continue to wait on him to send the one for me. I was satisfied with my progress and determined to press on! The next day, January 17, 2013, I received a Facebook message. It was from *Jonathan. I was a bit shocked, but my guard was up. He asked how I was doing and recommended me a book to read that he believed would "revolutionize my understanding and save me from the strong delusion in the last days that he thinks we are in." I almost laughed when I saw this because I found it very interesting for him to send me this type of message, considering that we haven't talked in a while. I told him that the ministry I was under was helping me to understand the signs of the times and I will pray about it and see if that's what the Lord wants me to read now. Take care. For some reason, I felt like maybe he feels it is his responsibility to protect me, which that is no longer his job. So I asked him about it. He said that he felt convicted introducing me to things that really wasn't God. I told him thanks, but the Lord is now protecting and covering me from such things. Once again, take care. He said that he's not going to become an "overprotective brother", he's just trying to help. I see what he was trying to do, but it didn't sit too well with me. Why would he just come into my life, out of the blue, about something like this? I didn't understand it and I wasn't going to rack my brain about it, so I left it alone.
A couple of weeks later, I had a dream that I was inside of a church. Everyone was standing up as the speaker begin to pray. I looked around and there were all kinds of people from different cultures. The sight was beautiful. As the speaker asked us to please be seated, someone put their arm around my chair. I looked to the right, and it was *Jonathan. At first it didn't look like him. He was dressed in a three-piece suit, very clean and looked smaller. He had a smile on his face and said, "Hey Lavena." I was startled. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I asked him, "What are you doing here?" He said, "I came to see you...I miss you." WHAT??!! My mouth dropped wide open. He came towards me and hugged me. His embrace didn't feel right. I looked over his shoulder and I could see some of the women in the church. Their looks said that they knew something wasn't right. I began to cry, and he started crying. I coughed and he coughed. It seemed as if whatever I did, he mocked me! I pulled away from him, and he still had a smile on his face. I stepped back from him and I began to listen to the praise team. As I lifted my hands in worship. *Jonathan raised his hands and grabbed my right hand and tried to interlock it with his. I looked at him, and once again, he had a smile on his face...then I woke up in the middle of the night. I immediately prayed and cried out to God asking him what was it about. The next morning, I remember hearing the Lord say, "It is a distraction." That's all I heard. I kept that response with me. The next day, I was at work, and I wasn't feeling well. I asked my boss if I could go home. When I arrived at my home, I received a message from Facebook stating "Jonathan has requested you to add him as a friend." I couldn't believe it! Why did he want to become "friends" with me? I knew that I wasn't going to add him, but I was curious as to why he did that. I messaged him, asking that very question. He said, "God has brought me great conviction through His Word. He has encouraged me to do so. You don't have to accept it." Well, that makes no sense, I thought. I told him that I'll think about it but not sure if I want to. Couple minutes later, he said, "I cancelled the request because I didn't think that my friend request would put you on edge considering God encourages it." I laughed to myself because I could see what he was up to. He was trying to make me feel guilty for not accepting his friend request! This is a common tactic for him, but I wasn't going to fall for it this time. Then, he says, "Divorce and Remarriage is Adultery. He encourages reconciliation; otherwise, live a holy single life free on any type of committed relationships." Is he really trying to take me through a guilt trip? This dude is crazy! He also said that he still cared about me, which I found to be interesting. I really didn't know how to respond at the time, so I told him I'll get back to him, but he kept on going. Right then, I remembered what the Lord said. "It is a distraction." I regained my focus and began to look at the scriptures concerning divorce and remarriage. Matthew 19:7-12 states,
They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. 11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.This scripture helped me realize that although the scriptures says "It is not good to marry," that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm sinning if I decide to do so. I have seen countless people re-marry due to unfaithfulness in their previous marriages and the Lord has blessed it, so I knew the Lord would do the same for me. I shared this with him, and his response was "1 Corinthians 7." He kept throwing scriptures at me, but he failed to realize that he was already unfaithful in the marriage, due to the lack of us consummating. And because we never consummated, we was never really married, except by paper. We were just "living" together. His response was, "I'm glad your conscience is free." After that, I knew and understood well what this man was up to, so I told him goodnight, but instead, he kept going. He goes on to say that he prays that I meet the one God has for me and he is glad that I am able to move on without conviction. He just wanted me to know that he still cares for me. He just wants to please God. At this point, I tried to tell him that I forgiven him a while ago and I have nothing against him. The past is the past and I learned from it. I told him goodbye and I went to sleep. The next morning, I found out that he blocked me!
I began to thank God for helping me to see the distraction and not fall for it. I'm so glad I obeyed him, because the "old" me would have probably allowed him back into my life. One thing I learned is that I can forgive someone, but that doesn't mean that I have to be friends with them. There was no way I could even allow him in my life again. It was best that we both move on with our lives.
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