The Healing Begins

James1:1-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, never you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  Even though the things I been through was a result of my own bad decisions, the consequences of my choices helped me to become more mature as a woman.  I thank God that I faced these situations and I don't regret it at all.  But, there comes a time in which you must heal from the devestation so that you can move forward. As I share this part of my story, read how the Lord began to heal me from my previous marriage...

December 2011.  I remember it was New Years eve.  I didn't attend church like I normally would.  I decided to stay home at my dad's to reflect on all the things I been through.  I was overwhelmed and was filled with grief and sorrow.  I cried to the Lord asking him, "What is it Lord? What do you want me to do? The last man didn't work so are you trying to tell me that I need to get back with my ex-husband? Or, do you want me by myself? Please show me the way, because my way isn't working!" And, for the longest time, I was on my knees waiting for an answer.  I eventually fell alseep.

The next morning was January 1, 2012.  It was a Sunday, so I prepared myself to attend church.  I had it in my mind that I was going to be alone until the Lord sends someone.  Not even a few minutes after I though that, I received a text message.  I was shocked to see who it was from.  It was Jonathan*!  He asked if he could speak with me.  What??!! I thought. We haven't talked since the divorce, so what does he want now?! I really didn't want to talk with him, but something told me to listen to him. So, I texted him back and told him to call me.  As I was driving, Jonathan called.  This is what he said:

"I know you are surprised to hear from me, but the Lord told me to call you today.  I just want to say that I am sorry.  I know we both made mistakes in our marriage, but I take the blame for most of it.  I should have never put you through that and I am genuinely sorry.  I've been praying that God would bless you with a better man than I ever was to you.  You are a queen Lavena, and I pray that one day you can forgive me. The Lord told me to tell you to let me go."

WOW! I couldn't believe what I was hearing out of this man's mouth.  After all the years of him blaming me for everything, he openly admits that he was wrong.  I was in shock.  I had to pull my car to the side because the tears began to stream down my face.  I told him thank you and I forgive him. After hanging up, I sat there and began to praise the Lord for answering my prayers so quickly!  Just the other night, I asked Him what I should do, and I found out from the horse's mouth!  From that point on, is where the healing began for me.  The Lord really worked on my heart and began to mold it back together.  All the hurt and pain that I was dealing with was being washed away.  This is what I needed in order to learn myself all over again and enjoy being single.  He also blessed me in the midst of it.

In February, my stepfather called and told me that he seen a house for rent on the next street from their house and was wondering if I'd be interested in checking it out.  I told him sure.  He found out that the house was a two bedroom, one bath and the owner wanted $900 a month.  I told him I couldn't afford it, but he said to hold on and he would contact the owner himself.  A week later, he gave me the number to the owner and told me to give her a call. She wanted to meet me.  So, I met this sweet old lady at the local McDonalds.  She asked me if I was one of those girls that have men in and out of the house! Hilarious, but I answered politely, no. She also asked if I'm responsible.  I told her yes I am and told her that I was interested in the house, but it was a little too steep for me.  And to my surprise, this lady asks me, "Well, can you afford $450 a month?" Yes, you heard me right! $450 a month!  I was so happy and told her I ACCEPT! My stepfather helped me with the deposit and I moved in a couple weeks later.  God had truly looked out me and knew that I needed to be on my own.  As time went by, I learned even more about myself and really enjoyed being single.  I started taking myself to the movies and once a month, I went to a nice restaurant by myself!  It felt so good and I didn't feel crazy at all.  It gave me confidence in who I am as a woman and in Christ.  I knew who I was and I wasn't going to change it for no one else.  Even though there were times where I felt lonely, but I knew I was never alone.  The Lord began to place some dynamic women of God, that were single, in my life to help me along the way.  I've enjoyed every bit of it and thanked God for what he was doing in me.