I finally gave up. I wanted the Lord to break me away from the bondage that this addiction brings. I cried out to him and even fasted for a period of time, just so I could die to the flesh and hear from Him. When I tell you the Lord showed up, He did. He allowed me to connect with someone, who, I thought I would never connect to in a million years. I won't share who this person is due to privacy, but I thank God over and over again for this person that was in my life. I remember openly admitting to them about my addiction. They said, "If you want to be free, you will stay free." That stuck with me for a long time. They ended up inviting me to their ministry, and I eventually went there for the first time in October of 2011. This ministry was quite different than what I was use to. It was in a bible study setting, but there was no praise and worship, just prayer and reading the Word. When I heard this person teach, it grabbed my soul. I have never heard someone expounded on scripture with such clarity and boldness. This person was tough. Didn't play any games with the devil and was quick to let you know when you are out of order. Even though it was initially hard for me to hear it, it was the truth and it changed me to the core. I remember them praying over me and I literally felt something leave my body. I knew it was the spirit of perversion that was comfortable inside of me. I was never the same again.
As I began to walk out my deliverance, I began to understand what kept me bound in the first place. First, I wasn't praying as diligently as I should have. The bible tells us to pray without ceasing, pray fervently. I was only praying when I got scared or felt guilty. I should have been praying daily, and asking the Lord to help me with self control and resist the devil. But instead, I allowed the enemy to have free reign to come in and out of life as he pleased. Second, I wasn't reading and meditating over the Word of God. The Word is our daily bread. When we don't feed our spirit man with the Word, eventually it will be mal-nutrient. Just like if we don't feed our physical man with food, it will grow weak and feeble. I began to study scriptures to help me break free:
- James 4:7 "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
- Phillipians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
- 2 Corinthians 10:5 "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."
There are certainly more scriptures that have helped me, but these top three helped me to stay focused.
Third, I didn't have an accountability partner. Having accountability eliminates the secrecy and pride. I remember when I first told a girlfriend of mine that was battling with this, she told me that if I ever struggle like that again, she told me to reach out her, no matter what time it is. She told me that she would never look down on me if I slipped and fell. It definitely took me some time to learn to do this, but I eventually began confessing to her when I did fall. Once I understood that, it became a little easier for me to continue to walk out my deliverance.
Unchecked sin is strengthened by pride, and pride strengthens unchecked sin. Simple confession can actually feed that cycle; accountability breaks it.
Now, trust me, I won't sit here and say that I didn't ever struggle with this addiction again. I have fell many times in the past, but I continued to press on and stayed focused. I continued to call on the Lord to help me through. I even opened up to a few more female friends whom I knew would pray for me and be there for me when I need them. And, I thank God for them still to this day.
Please remember, you do not have to struggle with this alone. There are people out there to help you through this. If you feel the need to share with someone, I'll be the first to provide a listening ear. If you are connected to me on facebook, please inbox me, or feel free to email me at vena2g@yahoo.com. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help you walk out in freedom. Remember, whom the son sets free is free indeed! You won't have to go through deliverance over and over again! Don't let the enemy isolate you and make you feel like something is wrong with you because of this addiction. I personally know a couple of females who are or have battled with this same thing. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. If you are in need of resources, here are some websites that have helped me and I'm sure it will help you too:
- www.beggarsdaughter.com - great blog of a woman who battle with a porn addiction
- www.settingcaptivesfree.com - great website where you can take a 60 day interactive course to help you break free. you can also email someone (accountability partner) your answers to the questions you will be asked daily.
- www.covenanteyes.com - an overall great resource and provides software for you to install to block the websites.
- www.porn-free.org - an overall great resource.
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