It was August, 2004. I was ready to leave my mother's house to attend Virginia State University. I remember when my mother dropped me off at my dorm room and I didn't feel sad at all. In fact, when she left, I said "Good riddance"! I felt free. No more curfews. No more of mom telling me what to do. I can do what I want! I started hanging out with females that I knew were not really my friends, but I did it to become popular. I went to parties with them. They have enticed me to smoke and drink, but I could always hear my mom's voice telling me not to. So much for being "grown" huh?! So I never did any of those things, which quickly, they stopped asking me to come to parties with them. So once again, I felt like no one wanted to be around me.
December of that same year, I was feeling lonely and I decided to call one of the local chat lines to meet a guy, and I did. Brian** was from Suffolk and I told him when I come home to Norfolk on my break from school, let's meet up. Not long after that, we began to date. He was inspiring to be a reggae rapper and even made music videos. He didn't have a lot, but he treated me like gold. I thought I had really met the one that I wanted to be with. I went back to VA State happy, and glad that I found someone. February 2005, I came back home for the weekend. I told my mom that I was going out to dinner and a movie with him. She told me, "If you are not back in this house by 11:00pm, I will lock the door on you. Don't play with me." I laughed at it, thinking that my mom wouldn't do that to me...so I thought.
It was 10:55pm, traffic was backed up, and Brian** was trying his best to get me home. I arrived home at 11:10pm. I sat in his car, nervous. I asked him, "What if my mom did lock the door on me?" He said, "Don't worry. I wouldn't leave you out here in the cold. You can come home with me." I walked to the front door, and lo and behold, she locked me out! I banged on the door three times, and she never came to open it. I sat on the porch crying. He came out the car, grabbed me, and took me back to his house. As I laid in the bed beside him, I couldn't help but think that maybe mom didn't care about me. Not once did she call me to tell me come home. I felt hurt and unloved. As these statements were replaying in my head, I remember hearing Brian** say, "I'm here for you. And I love you." With that being said, we ended up having sex. I was on birth control, and he used a condom. I knew I wasn't going to get pregnant....
A few weeks after that incident, I remember being in school and I started vomiting. I was in a lot of pain and I didn't know what it was. I was sent to the nurse and she performed the pregnancy test. The test came back positive. I WAS PREGNANT. I was in shock and I was scared to tell my mother. An hour later, I braced myself and called. My mother called me every name besides the name she gave me. She told me she was very upset and disappointed at me. She told me if I had this baby, I would get no help from her, I would have to move out on my own and take care of it myself. She told me to get an abortion and she wasn't going to pay for it. I remember how low I felt. I was disappointed and confused. Even though I wasn't saved, I thought that if I killed God's child, that was the unforgivable sin. But I was willing to do it because, in my eyes, I was unfit to be a mother. But where and how will I get the money to perform a $450 operation? The only person I could think of that would help me was my Aunt. I called her, and she said "Ok. I'll send you the money tomorrow. Take it as an early graduation gift. Don't let it happen again." I believed I was doing the right thing...
Check back tomorrow as I continue to share how this event changed my life significantly. **The name is withheld.
I was in a silmar situation when it came to my oldest.
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