Just when I thought I was healed and through thinking about my past marriage, I ended up in a relationship that showed me that I am clearly not ready...
A couple of months went by since I separated from Jonathan. I got involved in some professional and community activities to keep me busy. I found out about a group called DivorceCare that helps women heal from broken marriages. I met some wonderful ladies there and I was well on my way to healing. One of the things that the group facilitator stressed is that it is dangerous to jump into another relationship too soon. She suggested to spend some time before the Lord and learn yourself all over again so that you won't fall into the same trap. Wise advice, but did I listen? Well, I thought I did...
It was December 2009, and I remember being invited to perform a praise dance at my co-workers youth function at her church. I was honored and accepted the invitation. That next week, I arrived at the church. It was a small congregation, but everyone seemed friendly. As I was called to the front of the church to perform, I gave them the song that I was dancing to, which was Kurt Carr's "Set the Atmosphere", a song that has ministered to me for a long time. I remember feeling free and knowing that the Lord was watching me. When I was done, I received a standing ovation. I was glad they liked it, but most of all, I wanted the Lord to be pleased. As I went to change back to my clothes, I felt really tired and I wanted to go home. So, I headed for the door. When I walked to it, I heard a soft voice say, "You did a great job." I turned, and this guy was standing there, in nice attire, smiling at me. He looked like he was from an island or somewhere. I was startled. He was very nice looking with such a pleasant personality. "You look like an angel out there, a free-flowing spirit. You are a very beautiful woman." I felt myself revert back to my shy ways and I looked down at the floor in disbelief that this guy even noticed me. I said thank you. He began to ask me more about myself. His name was *Eric. He was Puerto-Rican and originally from Orlando, Florida. Wow, that's interesting...I thought. He also told me that he was a Marine in the military. Here we go...another military guy! After an hour later, service was still going on, and we were still talking! He asked if he could take down my number. Oh Lord...should I do this? It's only been a couple of months since my ex and I separated...I thought. I didn't want to pass him up, because I thought he could be the one, plus he was handsome. I gave him my number and told him to call me. He gave me a hug and said, talk to you soon. Feeling the warm embrace of a man sent chills down my body. It felt good....and I wanted more.
We started dating early January 2010. He treated me like I was a queen. Anything I needed, he did it for me. He was a saved man, but he really wasn't where he was suppose to be. I found myself teaching him a lot about the bible, which I really didn't like, but I was willing to help push him in the direction he needed to go. (Mistake!) My family also grew to love him and my mom treated him like a son. Still, in the back of my mind, I was confused. I liked him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him long term. I knew that I had to at least get a divorce before I pursue the relationship any further. I began to do my research and according to the courts, they stated that I must be separated for six months in order to proceed with the divorce. So, in that case, February was the deadline. I told *Eric about it, including everything I been through. And, of course, he was in shock. He told me that he would always be there for me, no matter what. I knew that this man loved me, and I wanted to keep him around. February 12th arrived, and I was able to head to court. Thankfully, my mother worked in the Criminal Division so she was able to go with me to file the paperwork and go before the judge. She knew who the judge was, so everything was smooth sailing. *Johnathan didn't need to be there at all. Thank God! The judge signed the paperwork, and I was a free woman. I became a Harris again. I felt relieved and a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hugged my mother and thanked her for her support and I left the courthouse.
Throughout the next several months, *Eric and I grew closer together. We would go out almost all the time. I even got the weird looks from other men, but *Eric was confident and didn't let that stop him from being with me. He always said, "They can look all they want, but you are my woman!" Too funny. I remember when my laptop finally broke down on me. I cried like a baby. I told Eric and he asked me what kind of computer do I need? I told him that an HP or Gateway would be nice, but I told him that I really would love a Mac. He said, jokingly, that's kind of expensive. I told him either way, I would be happy with any computer so that I can continue to work on my business. Later on that day, he picked me up and we went to Best Buy. He told me to look around for a laptop and he will be right back. Wondering why he left me, I begin to look around the store. Eric was nowhere to be found. I left it alone and I headed for the Mac center. Immediately, I fell in love. I was in Mac heaven! It had everything I needed and more. If only I could afford a Mac...I thought. Next thing I knew, Eric snuck up behind me and scared me. He said, "You really like that Mac huh?" I looked at him and said Yes, but it's too expensive. He smiled and said, "Today is your lucky day." He gave me a best buy bag and in it was a brand new MacBook Pro! Tears came down my face! I couldn't believe this man bought me a $1400 laptop. I was in amazement and started jumping up and down like I was a kid at a carnival. I thanked him over and over for it. He said anything to make me happy. And, truly, I was happy. Not just because he bought me a laptop, but because I never had anyone really care for me like that. He's definitely a keeper! As a couple more months went by, he told me that he really wanted me to meet his family. They all are in Orlando, Florida, so he offered for me to come with him to visit them. He told me that his mom worked for Disney over 20 years and could get us a great deal on disney world tickets. I told him yes! What an opportunity to go somewhere that I never been before. He flew me down to Florida and to my surprise, his mother arranged for us to stay at a Disney resort for four days and tickets to all the theme parks. She even arranged for me to enjoy myself at a Day Spa. I really felt like I was living the life! Eric spoiled me rotten while I was there. I had a wonderful time. (Everything up to this point sounds good right? Keep reading)...
At the end of June, close to July, things began to shift a little. When I wanted to have some alone time, Eric would constantly call me. He always wanted to be around me, everywhere I go. He started to get insecure when I didn't want to see him one day and began to assume that I didn't want to be with him anymore. So, I began to think and I had to be honest with myself. Eric was a really nice guy. He was compassionate, a giver, and most of all, loved me for who I was. I thought that I loved him too, but he was ready to take it to the next level, something I knew I wasn't ready for. I had to let him know that I just wanted to be friends, but how? How do I break the news to him? I wasn't prepared nor had the guts to tell him to his face...
The next month, I remember him taking me to a car dealership to look at the new Kia Forte. He wanted me to test drive it to see if I liked it. I really loved that car. Eric was smiling at me because he knew I was enjoying the car. When we arrived back to my mother's house, he went in the kitchen to talk to my mom while I was in the living room watching TV. Eric came back and told me that he was going to leave since it was getting late and told me that he would see me tomorrow. I should have said something then, but I was too afraid to break his heart. So, I prolonged telling him the truth again. My mother came and joined me in the living room. She told me that Eric told her about the car I like and that he was prepared to buy the car for me. My mouth dropped wide open! My mother said that he was a nice guy and hope I stay with him. I told her the truth about how I felt about him. She told me that I had to tell him before he purchases the car. So, I called him and broke the news to him. Eric was in shock and kept asking me if it's something he did. I told him that it was my fault and I should have told him a while ago how I felt. Eric was heart broken. I didn't hear from him for a while. I cried about it, but then, I began to realize that I did the right thing. I prayed for him and let him go about his own way.
Now, I know you all are wondering why would I let such a man walk out of my life? To be honest, I wasn't ready nor did I know how to appreciate that type of love yet. Yes, Eric really loved me and did everything in his power to keep me around, but deep down, I knew I wasn't healed from Jonathan. I kept thinking about him and compared him to Eric, which is something I should have never done. Eric was a rebound. It was definitely too soon to start considering a new relationship, especially after all I been through in my marriage. It was for my good and his own good that we go our separate ways. I knew that I needed to be by myself and really allow the Lord to work on me, but I didn't. I was afraid of being alone. I didn't like being by myself, so having Eric around filled that void that should have been filled by God. Ladies, please be honest with yourselves before jumping into relationships. Ask yourself if you could really see yourself with that man long term, or are you just caught up in what he does for you. Be careful not to initiate a relationship, especially after coming out of another one so soon. Pray and ask the Lord. He will tell you one way or another.
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